


The Soul

by LazySintastic13 (EmeraldWriter)



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Underfell, But it's not easy, De-aged Sans, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Mental Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Skele bros wanting to be actual bros, There is no pairing, Underfell Papyrus, Underfell Sans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 11:00:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10762905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldWriter/pseuds/LazySintastic13
Summary: Due to circumstances that was completely Alphys’ fault, Sans had reverted back to a child. Of a four year old with memories before the skeleton met Papyrus.





	1. The Soul Aches

Undyne and Papyrus had been sparring to keep in tip top shape when Alphys called.

There was hesitant urgency that required attention, and Papyrus was fully attentive when the fish mentioned that his brother was involved in an accident at the labs.

While he didn’t know what the latter could possibly be doing there in the first place, he didn’t bother nor had the time to question it and simply went with Undyne to head there.

Upon arrival, Papyrus raised a brow ridge at the slightly fidgeting lizard scientist. The nervousness towards him was not rare, but it was more than usual.

“What is this about Sans?”

“C-Come see for yourself.”

She guided them to one of the rooms that had a plethora of chemical equipments. But what the two guards noticed quickly was the child  _skeleton_  monster, sitting on the floor with an oversized jacket. The shorts were on a table behind the kid as it appeared to be too big for him to wear.

“ _Woah!_ What a pipsqueak. What … happened exactly?” Undyne asked, about to near but subtlety felt that if she did, a battle was about to go down with her second-in-command. And as much as she didn’t mind, her lover wouldn’t appreciate them wrecking her place. So she stayed put as Papyrus moved towards Sans, stopping a few feet away from him.

“I accidentally tripped and splattered the chemical on him." The lizard had the decency to look ashamed at the mishap she had created. But Papyrus didn’t hear nor see all that as his attention was entirely on Sans.

The small skeleton looked up at Papyrus with big red eye lights, curiosity evident in them as the skeleton just stared at him. "… Is his memories that of a child too?"

“Yes. He doesn’t remember me, but he might remember you.”

“That depends on how old he is.”

“Oh, I asked him that. He’s four.”

Papyrus crouched down to Sans’ level, and the child flinched at the movement. “I’m Papyrus. Do you remember me?”

Sans, to his credit, at least understood what was being said, and he could speak back. “N-no.”

The tall skeleton clicked his tongue, standing up straight to turn to Alphys. “How long would it take for him to revert back?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“Since it was your fault, make a cure then.”

Undyne chuckled. “And here I thought you didn’t care.”

“… I don’t. But he's  _still_  kin.” So he turned back to his ‘little’ brother and bent down to scoop him up. Sans didn’t make a fuss about it, and Papyrus briefly wondered if his brother would let anyone just take him. Still, he saw that Sans wasn’t looking at anyone, and kept his hands to himself rather than hold onto Papyrus. The tall skeleton didn’t quite know what to think of it.

Papyrus looked to Undyne. “I’ll be resuming my patrols after I’ve deposited my brother.” He didn’t care whether the fish monster nodded or not as he made his way out of the lab and headed home. There were things to do.

* * *

Sans didn’t say a word nor looked around or anything on the way home, and Papyrus was a little bit disturbed of the silence.

Upon heading inside, he put his brother near the couch and told him to sit and stay put before heading to the kitchen to make something for them. He’d have to tell Sans new house rules as kids tend to cause quite a mayhem when unsupervised.

About an hour later, with bowl of pasta in his hand, he went to the living area only to spot his brother sitting … on the floor; knees bent with his hands on his lap, and back straight with his head titled downward. It was … disconcerting. Where was his brother with cheek and fight in him?

Papyrus shook his head and headed over to his brother, “Sit on the couch.”

Sans did so nervously, and when he was handed the bowl, briefly noting the look of surprise, he didn’t dig in like Papyrus thought he would. He was about to say something until Sans beat him to it. “T-Thank you for the ge-genrus meal. M-May I eat it?”

The politeness of the question had Papyrus floored and nodded instead as he was rendered speechless. Was this really his brother?

And rather than being messy as it usually tended to be, Sans took small bites, making sure to chew properly before taking another. He was careful not to get it on anything and Papyrus felt his soul pricked but he ignored it.

He cleared his throat to get the other’s attention, and went down to business. “You will be in my care from now on, and you will obey the rules I set.” Papyrus saw Sans become tense. “You will be punished for breaking anything. You’re also not allowed in my room.” He saw a brief nod before continuing. “I’ll be out on patrol and won’t be back for a few hours. I expect the house to not be in ruins when I come back. Understood?”

He may sound harsh but he was told that it was good to discipline children when they were young as they carry it to their adulthood. Maybe he can avoid Sans becoming the lazy slob he was through this.

“Y-yes, sir.”

Being called Boss often was not unusual, but somehow the formal authority from his brother, now that he was baby bones, was strange. It felt wrong.

“… You shall call me Papyrus.”

Sans nodded. “Y-yes, Papyrus sir.”

The tall skeleton felt his brow twitch. “Just Papyrus.”

Sans looked to be sweating as Papyrus could see that he was controlling himself from wanting to fidget. “Yes, Papyrus.”

“… Good.” Papyrus didn’t want to think about how it still felt wrong, and how his soul ached at seeing and hearing his brother this way. So he gritted his teeth as he marched to the door, and left without another word.

Papyrus didn’t get to see the tears that fell onto the bowl of spaghetti before being promptly scooped for a bite. Nor would he hear the soft sniffling that seemed loud in the quiet house.

Papyrus wouldn’t know any of it, but his soul continued to ache; even if he didn’t particularly know why.


	2. The Soul Aches Some More

As Papyrus patrolled the town, while he looked menacing and ‘glared’ at the monsters he passed, his mind was elsewhere.

He really didn’t expect his brother to be like that.

Sans was quiet, polite, and obedient … but more importantly, and this made Papyrus want to clutch his chest, feeling it constrict, was how his brother looked … lonely.

But why would he be like that? He was going to be in his care, and with how cruel their world was, you’d think that his brother would look happy that he had a family. Papyrus was confused, and it was stressing him out.

In any case, he actually rushed to finish his work in order to get back home. Reckless and uncharacteristic of him for one known to be meticulously thorough in his work, but for the life of him, he didn’t care.

With the house in sight, it just occurred to Papyrus that he didn’t tell Sans where to put the bowl when he finished, or where his own room was, or what he was allowed to do since he had told his brother that he wasn’t to do anything reckless. Considering that the latter was still a child, Papyrus didn’t know where he should set limitations to. For fuck’s sake, he has never had to take care of another monster, let alone a _child._ His brother, being the older one, was more than able to take care of himself, and now that their roles were reversed, Papyrus was honestly at a loss. He didn’t know how he should act around his brother anymore. 

Opening the door and heading inside, the noise of rushing water alerted him, and he immediately went to check the kitchen. To his utter surprise, Sans was on a stool, just in his shirt to which Papyrus was reminded briefly that he would need to get the latter a new wardrobe, _washing_ the dishes. An activity he’d never thought he’d see the other do in his life.

His noise must’ve alerted his brother for Sans turned halfway to see him. The other’s eye sockets widened and eye lights shrank by a fraction. Papyrus didn’t know how to feel sensing the fear in them.

“W-Welcome back, si—Papyrus” Sans hurriedly corrected himself as he looked at his guardian nervously. “I-I’m almost done,” he said, hastily finishing up his task and making sure to clean up his mess. But just he reached for the cloth hanging on a cabinet hook to which Sans needed to tip-toe to reach it, the stool wobbled.

Sans toppled back, and he would’ve gotten a very serious injury if it were not for Papyrus’ quick action to catch him. Arms wrapped the waist, and the skeleton landed on his lap. 

“ _What are you doing?_ ” The tall skeleton’s tone was much harsher than he intended, his soul beating too fast for his liking.

“I-I-I’m sorry, sir. I-I’m so sorry. Forgive m-me.” Reverting back to formality, large tears fell down Sans’ cheeks as he was reduced to hiccupping sobs. He continued to spout apologies and wishing for forgiveness in causing his guardian trouble.

Papyrus’ mind felt like shutting down at seeing his brother in this state. _Fuck_. He wanted to scream in frustration at how he was not used to this ‘new’ Sans. But …

The tall skeleton looked at his brother on his lap, trying his best to wipe the tears away, quieting to small sniffles. He found himself taking a deep breath and hesitantly raised a hand to put it on his Sans’ head. The latter stilled upon contact, and the small tremors were noticeable; as if he was ready to be punished. So slowly and gently, Papyrus rubbed the small skeleton’s head in a soothing manner.

At the sudden show of affection, Sans tentatively raised his head to look at Papyrus in the eyes questioningly. The tall skeleton did _not_  think his brother looked cute. Not one bit. 

“… You did nothing wrong.”

“I-I didn’t?”

“Yes.” Papyrus took another breath. “Be careful though.”

A strange feeling of warmth coursed throughout his bones as his soul fluttered at the sight. Sans let out a small and innocent smile, cheeks reddening and his posture indicated signs of bashfulness. “I w-will. T-Thank you.”

He really wasn’t used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually forgot about Sans’ shorts back the lab (r.i.p. shorts lol) X’D
> 
> Update: Thank you for the questions!   
> In regards to Sans being four and able to speak with such a vocabulary and act that way he does, it has given me ideas on what I can do to make it 'reasonable'.   
> I may or may not fail in portraying so, but I'll be able to clarify any questions you may have for it when the time comes. :D
> 
> Tbh, I wrote it initially on a whim, but with more thought to it, I think I can flesh out Sans' background a bit more now. Thank you so much for questioning! I really appreciate it. XD


	3. The Soul Cries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let’s divulge to Sans’ mind.

It has been a week since he’s been staying at the tall skeleton’s home, and Sans made sure to follow the rules Papyrus set for him.

His guardian was … different. Kind yet strict, but he never punishes.

There were no zappy hurtful things. He was always given food. And he got praises for doing chores!

But …

Sans didn’t want to get his hopes up that there could be more because he already heard the skeleton loud and clear. He didn’t care about him. He didn’t know what kin meant, but he probably misheard and Papyrus meant kid. Because he was only a kid that the skeleton had been willing to take him in.

And Sans was really grateful. No more grey boxes with buttons that makes him hurt. No more drinking things that would make him choke. No more breaking his bones and healing it back.

_No more hurt. No more tests._

And Sans was willing do anything so that he doesn’t go back to that scary place. He would make sure to follow all the rules and not make Papyrus mad. He would be good.

The small skeleton looked to Papyrus, currently preparing dinner as he was seated on the couch. He was banned from sitting on the floor. And he was bought clothes! Currently, he wore a set of pajamas that had stars on them. They were so cool! Sans loved it a lot. It was comfy and warm. Better than those thin paper things that only covered his front. Those always made him feel cold, and he would hear his bones rattle from shivering on the hard floors.

Papyrus was really amazing. His guardian could do so many amazing things, and his scarf that at times waved with the wind made him look like a hero. Sans wondered if he could be as cool and as great as Papyrus was.

But …

He looked down at his small hands and saw a flash of memory to which he had lost one, his wrist covered in bandages with red smudges on them, and the other hand was marred with cuts and dried blood.

His small hands, now normal and not damaged, curled into fists as he placed them on his lap.

What was he thinking? Sans knew that he can never be anything more than a nuisance.

He could only be careful of his actions and hoped that Papyrus wouldn’t throw him out.

And as his guardian was coming to the living room and handed him food, Sans made sure to always be thankful and was careful in not getting anything on the couch or his clothes. Even though he was just a kid, Sans would never forget the words those monsters in white with their brown pads said to him.

“In this world, it’s kill or be killed. So you must never trust anyone but yourself.”

And Sans knew that he was always on his own.


	4. The Soul Cries Some More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That title …. you just know … there is no comfort. :’)

_His cell door opened and he looked up to see three monsters in white come in._

_“It’s time for another test, 013.”_

_His body tensed and wanting to so badly shake his head. He didn’t want to do anymore. They always hurt so much._

_And yet, he slowly stood, and walked over to them._

_He wouldn’t try to say no to them again. Not if it meant having his legs broken and making him crawl his way to the white and bright room without any help. No amount of his screaming and begging made them stop. So he didn’t want to do that ever again._

_“You won’t need to go testing room today. We can get the results in here just fine.”_

_One of them handed him a small blue pill. It looked safe at a glance, but by now, he knew better. His body began to shake and he didn’t know why when he hadn’t even done anything._

_“An instinctive reaction possibly to the pill or colour,” he heard one of them say, but it wasn’t as if he knew what it really meant for him. Just that they needed to write it down, and it scared him even more._

_Anything they write down on their brown pads always meant bad things for him._

_“No need to chew this time, just swallow it whole.”_

_With no other choice, he did so._

_And they all waited._

_After moments passed, he felt lucky that nothing was happening. A really ve—_

“Hurk!” _He lurched forward, crouching into a fetal position immediately on the floor._

_His body felt like it was being hit again and again until his bones would finally break. And tears dripped from his eye sockets as he screamed and whimpered._

_They were talking, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying._

_All he could focus on was the pain. There was so much pain that he curled into himself further as if it could stop it._

_And then, it was getting harder and harder to breathe—until he couldn’t._

_He grabbed at his throat, trying to inhale._ He just couldn’t.

_His body convulsed to fits as he struggled to breathe. And black spots were appearing in front of him._

_Suddenly, he was able to take in air into his body, and he couldn’t help coughing and gasping all the while._

_But it was_ far _from over._

_There were no bruises or cracks on his bones, even though it felt like he should, as one of the monsters in white looked at his arms._

_And when he saw a hammer held on the other hand, all he could do was to grit his teeth and shut his eyes tight to brace himself for more pain._

_He wished he could feel nothing._

* * *

His soul lurched as he woke. Sweating profusely, he didn’t realize he was crying as well until he could hear himself make choked whimpering noises. He covered his mouth with both hands to stop himself from making any more sound than necessary, and forced himself to calm down.

He took deep breaths, eventually wiping the tears away with his sleeves when he was sure he’d be quiet, before looking around.

 _That’s … right_ , he thought. He wasn’t back at the scary place anymore.

The small skeleton gripped at the fluffy blue blanket, and shifted to rest on his sides.

He wanted to so badly go to his guardian; to ask if it was okay to sleep together.

But …

He curled on his bed and closed his eyes.

He won’t ever try to wake Papyrus and bother him. His guardian was already so kind and had done enough.

The small skeleton did his best to fall back to sleep, but ended up not being able to in fright that he might have another nightmare; worse than before. So he stared blankly and tiredly at the ceiling; waiting for the hours to pass.

Sans will deal with his problems on his own as he had done before.

He felt tears erupt from his eye sockets and slide down the sides.

“I-It hurts,” a hand clutch to his chest, and he made a watery smile as he closed his eyes. “But it’s okay …”

His free arm rose to cover his face; he couldn’t stop making a small sniffle.

“I’m used to it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Sans. :’) No hugs for you. So much pain.
> 
> \---  
> Update: Currently at midterms so unfortunately there will be no updates until next weekend or the week after. 
> 
> So sorry for not making a notice. But I've been working on other stories at tumblr in the time of my absence for this story. So I can see the neglect on my part. 
> 
> Nonetheless, I hope to get back to it as soon as possible after my midterms. m(__ __)m Thank you for the support and interest in reading this fic! I swear I have the draft for the next chapter, but I don't want to post it cuz I feel it's mediocre. 
> 
> I'm sorry for the waiting period. ^~^) pls bear with me.


	5. The Soul Seeks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus … Why are you doing this? :(

He stood behind the door, a hand on the knob as he had heard his brother’s whimpers penetrate the thin walls that separated their rooms. Papyrus was planning to check up on Sans and ask what was wrong, but … he couldn’t seem to find it in himself to waltz in like he’d usually do whenever his brother would get too loud having one of his night terrors.

But that was the thing wasn’t it.

This Sans … wasn’t his brother anymore …

Not the brother he knew at least. Not the brother he grew up with.

His expectations of his brother being the annoying shit he was supposed to be were thrown out of the window on the first day. And when he relayed the house rules, of Sans doing chores such as sweeping and tidying up here and there, making sure it wasn’t anything extraneous and definitely not ones where accidents may occur whilst he was gone, there were no arguments—just quiet compliance that made his soul tighten.

If he were to be honest with himself, he missed his snarky older brother.

He was familiar, someone he can deal with easily.

Where was the Sans that told him crying was a weakness?

Where was the Sans that told him it was kill or be killed?

Where was the Sans that told him to only trust yourself?

Where was the Sans that told him to get strong if he wanted to survive?

 _Nowhere_ , he thought. And it was clear to the tall skeleton that he really didn’t know what he was doing.

It hit Papyrus with clarity then and there that in reality, he knew nothing about his brother’s past.

It was just that … It wasn’t something he cared knowing before, being more ambitious and focused on his own survival and future.

Papyrus looked blankly at the door. The whimpering reduced to soft sniffles, and Papyrus gritted his teeth.

He knew nothing of Sans, and it bothered him more than he cared to admit.

Sans had always prioritized his safety and well-being first. That, he noticed early on, but simply thought it was his brother being the doting type despite being a sarcastic asshole.

The short skeleton had raised him, and sure they lived a hard life, but when he really thought about it, his brother had done his best to make sure he was fed, taught him how to protect himself, and even managed to spoil him by being able to buy some toys. And this revelation made Papyrus wonder where his brother, at the time before their current positions in the royal guards, had he been able to procure the money, or the more important question was _how_.

But at the moment …

Papyrus slowly removed his hand on the knob.

He just … needed more time to think about what he needed to do.

The skeleton moved back and slowly walked to his room, ignoring how his soul felt as if it were shrieking in pain; as if what he was doing was all wrong, but still he trudged onward.

There were just … too many questions that needed answering, and Papyrus wasn’t ready to face … the ‘real’ Sans.

Not yet.

When Papyrus entered his room and tucked himself in on his bed, he squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that the mental exhaustion would catch up to him so that it would be easier to ignore his brother’s cries.

It wasn’t.


	6. The Soul Seeks Some More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus take some action … and breakfast is going to be something.

He didn’t get a wink of sleep.

So Papyrus simply headed downstairs to start making breakfast after calling Undyne that he would be taking a day off when morning came.

Thinking on something different to cook, he rummaged the cupboards. Sure he cooked spaghetti and lasagna on a regular basis, but that was only because tomatoes and pasta was the cheapest and most common thing in the market. Anything else would be pricy in comparison, but today … he wanted something different.

It surprised him that there was baking powder and an all-purpose flour boxes. He checked the fridge right after and was ecstatic to find some eggs and butter.

Pancakes.

Papyrus got his tools ready.

He was going to make pancakes.

Something Sans had only cooked for him at least three times before he became such a lazy slob. They were technically considered a luxurious meal, so the rarity made sense.

Still, to think that he’d almost forgotten that they could eat more than just the usual grub.

Not that Sans complained about his cooking. Then again, his brother rarely gave praises either.

The tall skeleton stood in contemplation as he sifted the flour and baking powder into a bowl.

Papyrus recalled a little snippet of passing memory where Sans lackadaisically commented about how he loved pancakes; especially when they were fluffy. The short skeleton didn’t remember who taught him the recipe for it, but Papyrus didn’t care much as long as Sans taught him how to make it.

He was in the middle of whisking the batter when he heard the soft thud of footsteps nearing.

The tall skeleton didn’t bother turning around, but he did greet the other a quick “Good morning, Sans.”

“G-good morning, Papyrus.”

The scraping of wood against wood let him know that Sans seated himself and patiently waited. Silence hovered in the room and only the noise of Papyrus’ cooking could be heard, as per usual.

Except today.

“Have you had … pancakes before, Sans?”

“Pancakes?”

Hearing the question thrown back to him, he supposed that the latter hadn’t.

“It’s what we’re going to have today.” He used his spatula to flip the pancake to make sure the underside was properly cooked before putting on a plate to serve. They were fluffy, and he managed to stack three into a mini tower just like how his brother used to make them. Papyrus couldn’t help frowning a bit as he served it to the kid; making sure to have grabbed a fork as well. He was starting to become sentimental without wanting to and quickly wiped the expression to neutrality.

“Here … Eat.” His tone started off harsh, but caught himself to try again in a gentler manner.

Then he sat across from his brother to watch him.

He had an ample amount of time to think about what he’d do today since he didn’t get any sleep. And Sans mentioned in an instance that if you wanted something, it’d be best to interrogate them when their guard was down. Sure it was his brother, and a child at that, but the small skeleton had proved themselves to be as reserved as he remembered his brother initially being.

“T-Thank you for the genrus meal, Papyrus.”

That was another thing. Without fail, Sans would always say those words to him before any meal. It’s still disconcerting and he doubted he’d ever get used to it.

He watched the first bite taken, and Papyrus almost smiled at the look of awe and amazement that showed on the little one’s face before digging into the treat.

“It’s so  _yummy!_ ”

“Of course.” Papyrus can admit that he felt his soul swell with pride. “It was made by me after all.”

Sans nodded with enthusiasm before diving back in. While it was endearing, the other’s mannerism didn’t escape Papyrus’ notice. It bothered him just a smidge that even then, Sans was making sure not to make a mess.

 _… This_ was _Sans._ Papyrus wanted to sigh as he reminded himself of this fact. It was still hard to swallow that the child before him could become so … crude and ruthless as an adult. But then again, who was he to say such a thing when his own innocence and initial ideals of the world were taken from him.

Still, there were so many questions that were yet to be answered, and he was going to get to the bottom of it.

But first:

“It’s generous.  _Not_  genrus.” Papyrus watched his brother stiffen and looked up at him as if the tall skeleton was … about to lash out.

Interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There another update. ^^") Gonna work on others now.


	7. The Soul Recalls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans remembers a memory he cannot forget.

_Generous_.

That word forced memories to be brought to the forefront of his mind, and it was all too vivid.

* * *

_The metal slammed open and the sound rung in his ears as he flinched and looked up. Eye sockets going blank the moment he saw who came in._

The Warden.

 _“Huh?! What’s that look you_ brat?! _”_

_He winced at the harsh and gruff voice, the spit coming out as the Warden scratched his round belly with his free hand. The other held a bowl._

_“Hmph. Worthless piece of shit. You know, I don’t even have to come and feed you, but I am doing it out of the goodness of my heart, and I get_  no _thanks?!”_

_He tried to utter a word; raspy from being parched, but the only thing that came out was a small gasp._

_“Huh?!” The Warden shouted and stomped towards him._

_The action made him want to curl, to hide,_ to run _. But he couldn’t. He wasn’t allowed to leave his room. There would only be more pain for him if he did. And he had enough of that every day when they take him to the white room._

_“I can’t hear you!”_

_“Th—”_

_He was kicked in the stomach and his body hit the wall, landing on the ground with a loud thud. A whimper escaped his mouth only when a foot pressed against his back._

_“Filthy trash like you doesn’t even deserve something as good as food.”_

_A gasp came out when the pressure increased._

_“Say it!”_

_He tried his best to repeat after the words. “F-Filthy t-trash like m-m-me,” he faltered to remember the rest._

_“_ Doesn’t deserve food.”

_“D-Doesn’t de-de-deserve f-food.”_

_“Now,” the weight was gone, but he was forced to look up at the Warden when the other’s muddied boot tapped his face. “Every time you get your meal, you are to say ‘Thank you for the generous meal’. Got it?”_

_He nodded his head._

_“_ Say it. _‘Thank you for the generous meal.’”_

_“Th-Thank y-you for the g-gen—” The boot smacked his face, smearing dirt on him._

_“Generous_. _”_

_“G-Genr—” This time, his hand was stepped on. And he couldn’t even scream in pain if he wanted to._

_“_ Ge-ne-rous.”

 _Tears were now welling up in his eye sockets._ Make it stop. Make it stop. Please. Please make it stop.

_“G-G-Genr-rus.” He was hiccupping and sniffling. He wanted it to be over._

_“… Tch. I guess that’s the best you can do. Now say the whole thing.”_

_“Th-Thank y-you for the g-genrus m-m-meal.”_

_“Sir.”_

_“S-Sir,” he quickly added, and was relieved that the boot on his hand was lifted._

_“Hmph. Good enough.” The Warden proceeded to drop the bowl on the floor, and the gruel in it splattered on impact. “Enjoy your meal, you little shit. And remember it for next time.” And the Warden began to leave his room, shutting the metal just as loudly as it was opened earlier._

_He didn’t react to that then as he simply focused at the food on the dirty floor. His stomach grumbled. And he scooped as much as he can with his hands to bring to his mouth, and began to eat._

Filthy trash. I am filthy trash.  _He scooped some more, ignoring the saltiness his tears were creating._

I don’t deserve food.  _It was gritty and sticky and tasteless; sticking into the small gaps between his teeth._

_And yet he was still given food. Even though he was a filthy trash._

_… He didn’t deserve such kindness._

_“T-Thank … y-you.” More tears continued to spill from his eye sockets as he quietly repeated those words over and over and over again._

* * *

“—ey.”

“Hey!”

Sans was taken out of his stupor when he was greeted with the face of his guardian. Wariness and worry were evident in the other’s features.

“What happened? You started breathing quickly, and then you were crying and muttering ‘thank you’ over and over.”

The small skeleton stayed quiet, save for the small sniffles when he calmed. He didn’t want to say. There was no need to. He already worried his guardian enough. And he was safe.

No more pain.

That was all that mattered.

So Sans looked down, “I-I’m sorry … Papyrus.”

The tall skeleton didn’t speak, making the little one more nervous and guilty for his episode; especially after Papyrus went through the trouble of making him such a yummy meal.

The moment of silence seemed to last forever, before the tall skeleton huffed through his nose and tentatively patted the other’s head. “It’s fine. Not your fault.”

Sans would’ve cried some more if he could.

Filthy trash like him didn’t deserve such kindness.


	8. The Soul Recalls Some More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh noes. There is more? :(
> 
> Warnings: Body mutilation, burning body, torture, minor death, death to set an example

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not push yourselves to read on if these kind of things bothers you. :(

“I’m sorry.” Sans couldn’t help but say again.

“It’s fine. Just ... finish your food.”

Papyrus went back to his seat and Sans returned to finishing his meal. But the good feelings were gone as the heavy silence descended on them. Only the light clink noises of Sans continuing to eat the pancakes were heard.

Sans felt even more remorse with each slow bite he took of the still yummy meal.

His guardian didn’t smile nor say anything anymore, and the small skeleton felt the nervousness gnawing at his heart.

He had let his guardian down because of his episode. Because he couldn’t say such a simple word.

Papyrus was only trying to teach him the right thing, and yet he…

Sans strengthened his resolve. He needed to show Papyrus that he could do better. He wanted to make his guardian proud.

He took one last bite of the pancakes, and then the small skeleton steeled himself. “T-Thank you f-for the...” Sans’ soul pulsed quick, he was already involuntarily shaking as he urged himself to say it properly. Trying very hard not to be reduced to a stuttering mess. Trying hard not to remember the bad memory. He could do it. For Papyrus. He could say it! “G-Gen—”

_“Stop.”_

Sans jolted as he met his guardian’s gaze, his eye lights shrank in fear and his soul dropped.

It wasn’t the familiar tone of ‘stop’ when the experiment was finished he’d grown used to hearing. No. It was the tone of stopping the test because it was failure.

That _he_ was the _failure_. He failed to meet what they wanted to see.

_N-no. Not that room. I don’t want to go there._

He’d seen what happened to trash like him failing to finish the tests.

The screams, the struggles, the pleas—the utter _desperation_ —just to not get sent to _that_ room. Anything but that room.

The memory flashed before him in pieces, his soul racing too fast—breathing too fast.

“Sa—”

_Large eyes had met his gaze. The fear evident along with their tears. “Help me!”_

Sans clutched tightly onto his chest as he stumbled back.

“Sa—”

_He watched as the other’s sharp nails clawed at the floors to prevent herself from being dragged away. Ignoring the blood it left in its trails when some of the nails broke._

_“Save me!_ Please!”

 _But he could do nothing but watch in horror. Unable to block the noise—her cries—even beyond_ that _room._

 _Not that room. Anything but that room._ Sans’ vision blurred as wetness streamed down his cheeks.

_“I’m a good monster!”_

_He watched as she was strapped up tight onto a chair._

_“I’m not defective!”_

_He watched her scream with all her might, as the people in white left the room and started up the machine._

_“I still work!”_

_And what he saw, was forever engraved deep in his soul._

_I-I’m not defective._ Sans didn’t realize his magic was starting to flare up conjointly with his erratic emotions around him. His hands gripped tightly onto his own arms as he walked back; as if doing so will get him away from _that_ room.

_Spinning metals easily tore off her limbs, grinding slowly and cleanly through the marrows: each finger, each hand and foot—until she was left with just a torso and head. The large window was speckled with her blood… There was so much blood all around._

_I c-can still work. I’m not bad. I’m no—_ His own breathing was choked as his chest burned with pain. Just like—

_The monster screamed when the rest of her body were set ablaze._

_Burning._

_Burning._

Burning.

_Until her skin melted … Until she was all pink … Until she turned black._

_And then she became dust._

_Just like all the others before her._

Sans shook uncontrollably, mouth agape as he tightened his grip on his chest. _Tight. Too tight._

It was as if he could smell the acrid odor and taste the dus—

The bile rose up unbidden and the small skeleton bowled over, making a mess on the floor as more tears poured from his sockets.

He can’t become like that. Sans didn’t want to become like that.

It meant he failed. It meant he was defective. It meant that he didn’t live up to their expectations. It meant more pain—it meant _death_.

The word rang loud and clear. And his legs loss strength, causing Sans to harshly kneel but he didn’t even noticed. He didn’t see anything. He didn’t pay attention to anything.

 _“Generous!”_ Sans shouted with all the will and courage he could muster in a broken sob.

Once the word left his mouth, he took a big gulp of air, ignoring the constricting pain in his soul as he depended on the glimmer of hope that his guardian would change his mind. That he would see he was still good.

 _Again._ “Gener-rous.”

 _Firmer._ “G-Gene-erous.”

 _Again. Firmer._ “G-Gen-ne-er-”

But the more he said it, the more the word deteriorated until it became incomprehensible to understand.

And yet Sans continued to keep saying it.

He had to prove to his guardian that he could do it. That he wasn’t defective. That he was a good monster.

 _I-I can do it Papyrus! I can say it! I’m a good monster. Please don’t throw me away. Please don’t send me back._ Please believe me. Plea—

Darkness enveloped him.


	9. The Soul Swells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it looking a little brighter?

Papyrus pulled Sans into his embrace. His calls had gone unheard, and though he had been initially wary when his brother’s magic flared, he just couldn’t stand the sight of Sans … like this.

_Stop._

His hold tightened around the small skeleton as his own soul trembled.

_Just stop._

But he couldn’t even say that word anymore. And Papyrus wanted to scream himself as he inwardly swore.

_Twice._

Twice he had triggered something in his brother’s memories that reduced him to … he didn’t know if there was any other name than to call it a sobbing mess.  

Just what … what in the world did Sans had to face?

And at such an age, where he himself didn’t know that much about the world yet. But Sans already…

Papyrus didn’t understand. But he _wanted_ to.

Except Sans was much more fragile than he expected, and he didn’t want to trigger another panic attack for it may be even worse than what he saw now.

But _fuck!_ What was he supposed to say now?

It’s okay? You’re fine? Should he praise him for managing to say the word in the end? Should he apologize for causing it?

Fuck if he knows anymore. He hadn’t known before, and he definitely doesn’t know now.

What ... What should he do...

Just when Papyrus thought he was finally going to be getting somewhere, in the end he’s never felt more lost than before.

Just what— _“It’s okay. I’m right here.”_

Papyrus’ heart shook when he heard Sans’ gentle voice.

_“I know you’re scared bro. But I know you can do it. Just take a deep breath—”_

Papyrus took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly.

… That’s right. He’d long forgotten. Before they became part of the Royal Guards, before he even met Undyne, Sans had always been—

_“There we go. I got you.”_

—there for him … And he never left.

No matter how much trouble Papyrus had caused, no matter how demanding he’d been, no matter how scared he was… Sans had always been there for him; to comfort him, embrace him, to tell him stories each night without fail.

And no matter how tough—how rough things got, Sans would always reassure him that they’d be fine. Nothing will hurt them, he’d say. He won’t let it.

Papyrus closed his eyes. It had been so long ago that the memories were fuzzy at best. But he had no time to dwell on that now.

Right now, he needed to be here for _this_ Sans. He needed to be level-headed for it wouldn’t do if he started breaking down as well.

And first things first.

Papyrus slowly lifted Sans’ head. “Sans. Look at me.” Dull reds stared back at him, and although he felt a prick in his soul, it didn’t deter him to continue. “Just listen to my voice. I’m here, Sans. I’m right here.”

He could see them brighten little by little, encouraging Papyrus to coo with a soft and gentle voice, until Sans was finally looking at him.

“P ... ap.” The small skeleton’s voice was tired and hoarse that it was all he could manage to say.

But that nickname struck a chord in Papyrus. And his soul swelled in recognition.

That name… Sans had stopped calling him that.

Papyrus felt his soul twist at the reminder of the distance between them. How disconnected they became as the years went.

The tall skeleton had to wonder if… if he was the cause of all that.

Because they’ve been inseparable… once upon a time.

Papyrus shook his head to concentrate on the little one in his arms. He stood with Sans in tow as he headed to the sink and had Sans clean his mouth of the bile and wash his face. Then, he made him drink some water to quench his most likely parched throat.

“Are you … feeling better?” Papyrus tentatively started, and he didn’t know if he should relax when he received a quiet nod.

He didn’t want to force the small skeleton to talk, that or Papyrus didn’t know where to even start, so the tall skeleton decided to clean up the mess in the meantime. He placed Sans on the counter, and went to get his tools ready to clean up. Papyrus also made a brief mental note to make a list of words not to say to and around Sans, but that in itself was similar to walking on a minefield for he didn’t even know what other words may … cause such reactions.

“Generous.” Then, “Stop.” What’s next? Papyrus didn’t continue to entertain the thought. It wasn’t something to be made light of.  

Now, other than the sounds of him mopping up the floors, it was quiet over all.

Papyrus had the urge to turn around every minute just to make sure Sans was there. Just to make sure he was safe and okay now. But his years of pride won’t let him do something so simple, and he simply focused on his task without doing so. Even if his heart screamed for him to make sure.

“…Pa …p.” Sans’ voice was still soft and weak, but Papyrus turned around nonetheless; thankful of the reprieve that allowed him to check over the child’s condition.

Sans held the cup in his hands nervously before finally saying, “‘M s-sorry. For the m-mess.”

The tall skeleton saw the tears beginning to crop up once more, and he felt his soul pricked with countless of thorns.

So fragile … His brother was never like this ... No. That was a lie.

_“No. Don’t cry Sans. Please don’t cry anymore.”_

Once upon a time … they were inseparable.

Papyrus slowly made his way towards the little one, and silently took him into his arms. He heard the small hiccups and sniffles, and he felt those small arms wrap around his neck.

Papyrus wanted to chuckle at the thought. _How the tables have turned brother_.

It had been far too long, and only now was he beginning to remember of the past he had thrown away long ago.

“A-Am I … still g-good, P-Pap?” _"Was I good, Sans?"_

“The best.” _“The best, Paps.”_

And it hit Papyrus there and then. This was it.

Why it had felt wrong all those times. This was the reason.

And the tall skeleton had to laugh, causing Sans to look at him questioningly. And for the first time in a long while, Papyrus let out a smile.

“From now on, you are to call me Pap.”

“P-Pap?”

Papyrus’ soul swelled at the surge of satisfaction and elation that flooded his core. Yes, this was why. “That’s right.” He wiped away the tears before patting Sans on the head, making the little one giggle with delight. And never had Papyrus felt such gratification in seeing Sans smile again.

Finally, he felt like he was doing something right.

He was going to get to the bottom of this. He was going to understand his brother.

_“One puzzle at a time, Papyrus.”_

One puzzle at a time.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I tagged this right, so feel free to tell me if I missed anything.
> 
> I also don't know where I'm going with this, so yeah. ... derp!


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